20 Things I’ve Learned in College

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This is a list of 20 things of I have learned throughout my first year of college. Your freshmen year can be wonderful, life changing, and stressful. So here are a few items to warn you of for your first year of college.

  1. Your first few friends are not always your “forever friends”.
  2. It’s okay to drop those first friends too.
  3. Do not take anymore than one class before 9am. You’re going to hate yourself.
  4. It’s okay to be scared, we all are.
  5. You’re going to question yourself, a lot actually.
  6. You’ll find out there is more than just yourself out there.
  7. Freshmen 15 only exists if you actually eat and don’t work  out.
  8. Go to class, but if you can’t that’s okay too.
  9. Sometimes you need to have a mental health break.
  10. Take care of yourself.
  11. Talk to your family as much as possible.
  12. It’s okay to cry your first week.
  13. Compliment people as much as possible.
  14. Never give up no matter how much you want to.
  15. Sometimes you need to be alone, and sometimes you need to be with people.
  16. Never forget who you are even though you’ll change.
  17. If your first year doesn’t work out don’t stress about it.
  18. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
  19. You will find your place eventually.
  20. Live in the moment.
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Apologizing

First let me say I am sorry for being gone so long. This semester was extreme, confusing, and had me questioning what I was doing with my life. I’ve recently made the decision that if I don’t get a C+ or better in my chemistry 143 class then I will switch to an education major. I love children and I love teaching people. It would be a big pay cut for sure, but in the long run I might end up happier. It’s all so much to think about. I’ve moved into a new apartment and am loving it. Living with someone else just wasn’t working. It’s been one long year and one hell of an experience. I’ve changed from when I first I came here. I made it through though. Anyone can do it.IMG_2715

Syllabus Week

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Well it’s the first week back to school and I already hate life. Applied Calculus seems pretty easy. Anatomy is going to be the same as always. Chemistry is going to be hell as usual. Oh and Writ 101 well we will see how that goes. Plus I have my second anatomy test and a chem test on the same day yet again. Oh joyous days.

So let’s talk about syllabus week. There’s this stereotype surrounding syllabus week that it’s the “party week” or the “do nothing weak” or the “easy week”. Is it easier than most weeks yes, but that doesn’t mean there’s no work. If you’re taking rigorous classes, which if you’re any sort of science major you will be, than you’re screwed, royally. The first day of learning is right after your Chemistry professor finishes going over the syllabus on your first day. You have homework as soon as you get home, even though you haven’t bought the textbook yet. You can already feel the urge to skip every class you have. As far as I’m concernced syllabus week is nothing more than the first day of being dragged back into the world of homework, stress, and work. Do I have easier work? Yes, I do. Which can be nice. Yet getting back into the swing of things makes syllabus week the hardest of them all. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe you’re schools and classes are easier. Who knows. All I can say is keep powering through and we’ve only got one more semester to go.

Study hard. Be successful. You can do this, and if you can’t then tell someone. See you on the flipside. ❤

Vacations

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Today I want to talk about vacations. I love being home with my family. It’s a wonderful thing. There comes a time though where you start to get antsy and want to get back to your life before. At least that’s how it is for me. I’m starting to miss working and my friends. I never thought I would miss it, but I do.

I think being a college student is really all about figuring out life and who you are as an adult. I know this past semester has been one crazy for me. I feel like I have experienced so much life in these past four months than I have in a long time. I am completely independent. I can pay bills, schedule doctors appointments, plan trips, etc. I have to say I am a full fledged young adult. This may not be the case for everyone though. I know some people who’s parents pay for everything. They can spend money freely and their parents will pay for it all. It makes me wonder about the day where their parents cut them off. How will they survive? They might just end up being royally fucked. I’m not saying anything bad about the parents. Yet take my advice. When you turn 18 please try to take more responsibility for yourself. I know its scary and can seem hard. It’s going to benefit you so much more in the long run. Even if it’s just paying for gas and having a job. Taking responsibility for things will teach you more about life than you’ll learn in school.

That’s all today. Go out and live life to the fullest. ❤

I am 19

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I am 19 years old today. I know I haven’t kept up very well on here the past few weeks. I needed time to be with my family and enjoy the holidays. I can’t believe I’ve made it 19. It’s just insane. I’ve started writing a book. We will see how it goes.

Today though I want to give some advice to those now younger than me. Take pride in who you are. Do not let people control you. You can make any choice in life you want. Love with no restrictions, no conditions. Do not be afraid of love either. Live life to the fullest. Do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don’t do what society classifies as living to the fullest as a teenager. Drinking, smoking, experimenting, etc is not living life to the fullest unless that’s what makes you happy. I mean go out, have adventures, explore, stare at the stars, stay up all night, get in trouble with your parents for staying up too late, skip school to get coffee once. Do things that excite you and make you happy. I know the world is a scary place and being on your own can be terrifying. Don’t worry you can do it. You can do this. It’s just a few years of your life. You will learn how to be an adult. We all do. Take a deep breath and don’t forget to live.

Talk to you real soon lovelies. ❤

Here we Go

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It’s finals week here soon. That wonderful time where you procrascinate, study, and find random intervals to sleep. If you’re anything like me you’re working too because well you like to pile priorities on top of each other. Today though I am not only procrasinating studying by posting on here, but also talking about an event I had the other day.

It was a panic attack. My first one since starting my new medication. I barely slept the night before, it’s almost finals week, and my medicine that I take daily was wearing off. I’m driving to work in my car and I can feel the all too familiar flood of a panic attack coming. I call my roommate so she can keep me calm while driving. I manage to make it to work and I feel come outside, but then I get to the door and it feels like something has punched me. Panic attacks comes on full force and angry. I begin sobbing and hyperventilating and throwing myself through the employee door as fast as possible. There’s so many people back there and they all just stare at me. I need someone to help. I manage to form the words to tell someone to grab my pills and open it. Hand me one and my water. It takes my almost 20 minutes to calm down from this, and once I do I get that tiredness that creeps in through the bottom of your body to the top and pulls you to the ground. I feel so embarrassed and I can feel all my coworkers now pulling away from me. I’ve scared them and made them feel helpless. They won’t want me now. It’s saddens me that people run away when they don’t understand or are scared. If I could just explain it, if I had an actual answer for why, but I don’t.

People like reasons. That’s why we have advanced so far. One part of being human is the curiosity to know. The part about my mental illness, generalized anxiety and panic disorder, is that you don’t have that why. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain caused by a high amount of dopamine and a low amount of serotonin. It causes me to have insomnia, panic attacks, and anxiety for no reason. I take medicine everyday to increase my levels of serotonin which will fight back the dopamine. I take a sleeping pill so my body can finally rest because my brain is quiet for once.This is not a choice. This is not me being negative. This not because of some fear I have. The chemicals in my brain are not at NORMAL levels. I have a mental illness. This chemical imbalance is so bad sometimes that it causes my body to go into shock and my brain attacks itself. My own thoughts attack me and my body hyperventilates, not able to take the stress. This is not a joke or some made up illness. You telling me to “Breathe.”, “Just be happy.”, “How about try being positive?” is not going to help. It’s the chemicals in my freaking BRAIN. If you broke a bone and I told you “Oh just think about it being healed and bam you’ll be better.” That’s not going to work. My words are not going to make your cells multiply faster and heal your bone overnight. So why do people think that telling a person with a mental illness “to just be happy” is going to work? It’s not going to work, not ever. How about you learn to deal with mental illness and your fear of it? It’s not my fault you can’t handle sickness in the brain. It’s not my fault I have a higher level of dopamine than most people. It’s not my fault our society has raised us to believe the mentally ill are to be feared and put away. It’s not my fault you don’t understand. We need to come together and talk and learn each others’ sides. Listen to me and I’ll listen to you. That is how we heal. That is how the fear leaves and you get to know why. Take that for your curiosity.

Comment and tell me what you think. Goodnight darlings ❤

Sick Days

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I have been feeling quite under the weather the post few days which is why I’ve been so absent. I really don’t want to get lazy about this and abandon it completely like I normally do. I must say I did miss you all. My wonderful readers. So here is a picture of me to enjoy of some flawless make up I did the other day because I got new lipstick. Thank god for Sephora gift cards.

I want to talk about sexual drive today. I know a weird topic right, but hear me out. We are all born either with a male or female organ system. Now I’m not going to ever try and be politically correct here because I think that’s total utter horse shit, but yes we are all born either man or woman. My point here is whatever gender you choose to live your life as their is a certain sexual drive and stereotype to go along with it. If you are a woman then you are forced into monogamy and low sexual appetitie stereotypes, if you don’t conform to these or if someone even gets the notion you may not conform to these then you are immediately validated as a slut. Personally I see no problem in being labeled that. I don’t think it should have a negative connotation. Honestly if you can live your life like that and be successful, go for it. If you’re a lingerie model you’re concieved as a slut, but I doubt anyone of them have time to for sexual pleasures. They’ve got fashion shows, photo shoots, and appointments to go. I’m sure they have some time for sexual acts, but not nearly as much as the word validate them to have. Moving away from the female stereotypes. Male stereotypes are something so interesting to look and think about it. If you are a man you can sleep with multiple partners, hurt others feeling, and touch yourself whenever you damn well like. Then you get a gold star, pat on the back, or at least just a guy being a guy saying. Yet if you don’t do these things you are considered inexpereinced and childish, maybe even prude. What if you don’t want to do these things though? Out of love, or religion, or no sexual drive whatsoever. We are all powered by our sexual natures whether we realize that or not. Going out on a simple date is driven by the need for sexual energy. It’s how us human being survive, quite literally. In our most basic instincts we have only two things to achieve, eat and reproduce. Somewhere along the way the instinct to reproduce was shoved down as sin and called evil. But how do you think the human population has survived all these years? Certainly not by just eating alone. In the fabric of our very DNA we are told to reproduce, to have kids, to create a new generation, to keep the human race alive. So why punish some and not others for the very thing that has powered the human race through all these years. That is all for today.

Good day darlings ❤